This resonates a lot. A friend recently told me they admired me for having a “good sense of self” even if I wouldn’t describe myself as a “confident person” (I’ve self proclaimed this). I took this as a great compliment, and for me it feels similar to what you’re describing here. I think we often equate self worth = confidence = self awareness = happiness, or some impossible equation like that, when really our comfort within ourselves doesn’t have to hinge upon confidence or even always feeling self-worth. It’s more like being able to tune into ourselves like we would a friend we were in the presence of, and giving ourselves that same level of care.
Curious how you think this ties into attention spans - I often feel like having a podcast on in the background while I cook, for instance, even if I’m not fully listening. Is this more to do with needing the option of entertainment at all times, or not wanting to sit alone with one’s thoughts? Maybe it’s the same?
Hi Molly!! I love that thought -- it's true I feel way more comfortable being "me" when I feel valuable/proud (and therefore confident)...which leaves me in a pickle when I feel ashamed or just normal. And of course we don't just feel close to a friend when they're feeling confident, and actually I think I get closer to friends in the moments when they feel insecure. A friend isn't just a combination of qualities or accomplishments; there's something more, which I think is where that "sense of self" comes in.
I think they're different points on the same cycle. I feel like the short attention span (relatable!!) is the neurological conditioning toward overstimulation we experience, which causes a fear of being alone with one's thoughts, and they feed each other. But I like that point & want to think on it more!
i think people fill up space with noise because at first, silence is awkward. you can hear things. it is uncomfortable. But is we can get thru that discomfort, there is a space on the other side of silence that is golden. By ourselves, with a friend or even in groups.
Thank you! Relevant to a girl who’s gotten repeatedly ghosted since I’ve put my single self out there. Gonna fight the frustration by hanging out with myself even harder!
Longtime fan first time commenter!
This resonates a lot. A friend recently told me they admired me for having a “good sense of self” even if I wouldn’t describe myself as a “confident person” (I’ve self proclaimed this). I took this as a great compliment, and for me it feels similar to what you’re describing here. I think we often equate self worth = confidence = self awareness = happiness, or some impossible equation like that, when really our comfort within ourselves doesn’t have to hinge upon confidence or even always feeling self-worth. It’s more like being able to tune into ourselves like we would a friend we were in the presence of, and giving ourselves that same level of care.
Curious how you think this ties into attention spans - I often feel like having a podcast on in the background while I cook, for instance, even if I’m not fully listening. Is this more to do with needing the option of entertainment at all times, or not wanting to sit alone with one’s thoughts? Maybe it’s the same?
Hi Molly!! I love that thought -- it's true I feel way more comfortable being "me" when I feel valuable/proud (and therefore confident)...which leaves me in a pickle when I feel ashamed or just normal. And of course we don't just feel close to a friend when they're feeling confident, and actually I think I get closer to friends in the moments when they feel insecure. A friend isn't just a combination of qualities or accomplishments; there's something more, which I think is where that "sense of self" comes in.
I think they're different points on the same cycle. I feel like the short attention span (relatable!!) is the neurological conditioning toward overstimulation we experience, which causes a fear of being alone with one's thoughts, and they feed each other. But I like that point & want to think on it more!
i think people fill up space with noise because at first, silence is awkward. you can hear things. it is uncomfortable. But is we can get thru that discomfort, there is a space on the other side of silence that is golden. By ourselves, with a friend or even in groups.
Thank you! Relevant to a girl who’s gotten repeatedly ghosted since I’ve put my single self out there. Gonna fight the frustration by hanging out with myself even harder!